The story of Sofie and Salvatore
Questions to Her
On Our first date…
we went to this really amazing place called “Walking Street” located in Pattaya, Thailand. I was actually just visiting Thailand with my family for winter vacation, and I happened to “superlike” (which I would usually never do) Salvatore on Tinder because he seemed different and he also seemed like an interesting person. To my shock, he had “superliked” me already! So, we started chatting, and he suggested we meet at Lucifer Cafe in Walking Street just to hang out and talk. I was allowed by my parents… but they came with me… so that was a little awkward. I was walking around and asking people “Excuse me, do you know where Lucifer Cafe is?”, a stranger told me something along the lines of “I believe Lucifer Cafe is this way ma’m”. I turned around and there was my tinder date, and I just felt so embarrassed for looking so clueless. Great first impression… We sat and talked, we had a couple drinks, then he spilled a beer on me, and he looked so embarrassed… I guess we were both nervous, so I really did not mind! We talked about everything, from religion to feminism, which I really enjoyed because to me those are the best kind of people, those who you can discuss these topics with. He then took me out and brought me to different places in Walking Street and we had lots of fun and ended up dancing together and laughing so much and just having a really great time. It was a “date” like no other. My parents then asked him if he would like to eat Christmas dinner with us the following day, so our next date was already set as I left that night.
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…
him smoking… We agreed that on very special occasions he can smoke, and those occasions are like six times a year! This is a deal breaker to me because I can’t stand the smell of smoke, and it lingers forever on clothing, hair, and skin. Also, it just contains too many carcinogens for me to ethically feel comfortable with him smoking. To me, it’s like watching someone paying to slowly commit suicide, and it damages your skin, hair, nails, lungs… do I need to say more?
I learned he is right for me…
after the second time, in I visited him in Thailand during the spring break, 10 weeks after the last time I had seen him. During this time I simply realized that I had never felt this comfortable with another human being… ever. When I visited him in April of 2017 I really realized that this is someone who I do not want to let go of, because people like him are so rare. I could be as weird as I wanted and he will just respond with something even weirder, and it would crack me up every time. I could tell him anything, and he would just listen and help me cope with my struggles and problems. I could be myself 100% when I was with him, and that’s when I realized it.
I had a cultural shock when…
I have travelled to over 30 countries and lived in 5 across Europe and Asia, so I am rather open-minded and it takes a lot for me to have a cultural shock… but I did have one when I was Skyping with him this one time and he was with some of his Filipino family and friends, and they were eating “balut”… a fertilized duck embryo where you literally eat a baby duck that is almost developed! Salvatore and his friends were showing it to me on Skype and I was so shocked, I seriously couldn’t believe people would eat that!
3 things I love about him are…
he is feminist like me. When I say feminism I know a lot of people will misinterpret due to a lot of stigma surrounding the word, but I am referring to the ideology and fighting for women to become equal to their male counterparts socially, economically, and politically. In turn, I notice that it makes me feel more respected in the relationship. The second thing I love about him is how he is never afraid to try new things and to be daring and spontaneous. This is something he has taught me over the course of our relationship actually, because I am a perfectionist who needs to plan everything, so he helps me balanced and helps me relax sometimes. He reminds me that not everything has to be planned and that I should just enjoy the moment and live my life. The third thing I love about him is how silly he can be because it always makes me so happy and I laugh until I can’t breathe anymore by how random he can be. I love how he will try to jumpscare me and tickle fight me out of nowhere. He truly knows how to make me the happiest person ever, and knows how to cheer me up when I’m feeling down.
The biggest misconception about his country and culture was…
that they speak bad English and are dangerous people. The older generation of my family especially have some misconceptions about him due to the different culture as he is from the Philippines and I am from Norway. However, I visited him in the Philippines twice now and I almost never went to a country with that much hospitality and kind people. The one time my parents visited the Philippines as well in Christmas 2017-18, they were also impressed by that. Also, literally everyone speaks English! So it is super convenient and you don’t feel too much like an outsider.
The most beautiful thing he ever did for me…
was back in summer of 2017 when he moved from Thailand back to the Philippines in order to apply for a visa to Norway so that he could visit me during summer. He quit his job and moved to the Philippines, and to help make enough money, he sold many of his figures which he had collected for years, and I know that they really mean a lot to him as collectible items. So when he told me he would sell them just to make enough money to apply and come to Norway, that’s when I realized he really truly cares about me and would do anything in his power to be with me and make me happy. In the end, the visa was sadly rejected, and it was really harsh, but I will never forget how much effort he had put in for me.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
that I can be myself 100% and still be loved; there will always be someone out there who will really appreciate you. I learned that who I am is okay.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships, it would be…
to stay open-minded and to be patient because interracial relationships come with a lot of disagreements due to cultural differences. We obviously have many fights due to several disagreements and it is very difficult but you will have to reflect on yourself and reflect on things from his perspective. You will need to consider his culture and background, but also make sure he understands your culture as well; it should be equal. I would also say that it might end up being a long distance relationship, so that also takes a lot of dedication, patience, and understanding.
Questions to Him
Asking her out the first time was…
really scary for me. I had never asked a Western girl out before. I didn’t know if she’d reject me or not. But it was all worth it. It happened during Christmas when my whole family went back to the Philippines and I had to stay in Thailand. Alone. Imagine being alone during the holiday season. It’s not fun at all. So, in the final act of desperation, I decided to download… Tinder. It wasn’t my first time using it so I already knew the ins and outs. I then saw this beautiful girl with blue hair. I knew she was using a fake name. It was a K-pop idol’s name which I knew. I used my one and only “super like” on her. I was really hoping she’d notice me and thank God she did. She super liked me back. And from there, our story began.
I learned she was right for me when…
I saw her look at me the way nobody ever did. It was at the karaoke during Christmas Eve. I was singing my heart out like I didn’t care, but in reality, I was just trying my hardest to impress her and her family. But mostly her. She gave me this look. It was like she saw the sunset for the first time. Time slowed down as we looked at each other.
I had culture shock when…
her parents invited me to dinner during new year’s eve. We all had fun. Drinking champagne, laughing, eating. After the party, her parents invited me to stay over as it was late and it might not be safe to go home. They offered me to stay in Sofie’s room for the first time. I was a bit shocked that they would allow that. The next part is funnier. As we ’re about to go to bed, Sofie’s parents called her. They had a talk outside for a good 10-15 minutes. When she came back, I asked her “What did you guys talk about?” she said, “Well, they just told me that if something happens, we should use this.” She opens her hand, and in her palm rests a condom.
The three things I love about Her are…
her intellect, the way we share our views about the world, and the way that we could be ourselves when we’re together. It’s just a really great feeling to be able to share that with someone. To have your girlfriend as your best friend. You get that feeling of relief. You get to have smart, serious conversations but also in the next few minutes, making out in bed. I just love everything about her.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture is that…
they are all just dumb blondes who don’t care about anything and just eats fish all day. Sofie is the exception. As well as some of her friends and family. She has passion, unlike any other person I know. She cares about the world, the environment and everyone around her. Sofie by far is actually the smartest person I know. And she doesn’t just eat fish.
The things that she likes to do for fun with me are…
basically lying in bed together and just being weird. Or playing video games and being extra competitive. Netflix is a big part of our relationship. We just adore binge watching some of our favorite series and just talking about it after. Whenever we would go out, I would always let her try new types of food she hasn’t tried yet. It’s always exciting to see how she would react. So far she likes everything. Even Filipino food!
She hates it when I…
don’t message whenever I go out. Since we are in a long distance relationship, I do understand her. But in my defense, I’m not really the type of person who’s always on the phone when going out. And whenever she goes out, I’m not really the type of person to expect messages. Because I want her to have as much fun as she wants without any hassle.
During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was…
that I needed to be more patient. Not just with my girlfriend, but also with myself and everyone else around me. I do admit I have a bit of a temper and it usually gets the best of me. Sofie really helped me overcome that. I have her to thank for it. And every day I try to better myself for her, for me, for us.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships, It would be that…
you have to be ready. Ready to be culture shocked. Ready for different reactions people will give you may it be from your friends, family or even strangers. There will always be the factor that someone is just dating the other for monetary purposes. Just don’t listen to them. You know that you love your partner. You want to be with them. I’m glad and proud to be with Sofie and I’ll love her no matter what.
