The story of Laurien and Shunjiro
Laurien is a student who works as a swimming teacher. In June 2019 she will graduate a psychiatric nurse. She was born and raised in Antwerp Belgium. Jiro is 26 years old and works as a salesman in Tokyo. He lives in Chiba. They met when she was backpacking in Japan last year and they kept contact through Line. They met as a couple two times already and in April 2019 she will visit him in Japan. Then in September 2019 she is planning to move there to join him.
Questions to Her
Our first date…
…wasn’t really a first date, in a way that he never asked me out. On our first moments together I picked him up from the airport and we went straight to the Airbnb. It was already late and I was worried about the upcoming jetlag. When we arrived at our Airbnb we decided to get some delivery food. We decided that we just wanted to spend time together and not go out anymore to discover Antwerp. When the pizza arrived we started watching some boring Netflix “horror” movie. We didn’t finish the movie for two reasons, first, the pizza was so spicy that we couldn’t concentrate on the movie and second, we just wanted to enjoy each other without background noises…and the rest is history 🙂
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…
Since we’re in a long-distance relationship my deal breaker would be when he doesn’t want to spend time with me. When I don’t get texts from him or when I have to beg for calling. Not asking me how my day was and so on would stop me being interested in him and I would probably not see him again.
I learned He is right for me when…
He was so motivated to go for us. He really wanted to make our relationship work and would have done everything. For example the first two months of online dating I really wanted to see him again. We normally had to wait until December but we couldn’t deal with the distance again. So he risked his job and asked for some days off so he could book a last minute ticket to Belgium to be with me the end of October/beginning of November. That moment I knew he was the one for me.
I had a cultural shock when He…
I have never experienced a cultural shock, I think mainly because I’m interested in the Japanese culture and I was really prepared for it. Although I can’t get used to the fact that he (and other Japanese people) say “umai” (which means “so good”) so many times during a meal. In Belgian culture, this is weird cause we only say it at the beginning of our meal. The other thing that shocked me was that he could sleep on foreign public transportation. I knew that in Japan it’s normal to sleep in trains and busses but I never expected him to feel so comfortable to sleep in a foreign train where he didn’t know where to get off. It gave me a lot of stress.
3 things I love about Him are…
1. The way he talks about our future. Even though our future won’t be this easy, he always tries and looks at it on a positive side. When I’m worried about finding a job in Japan, he always comforts me and starts looking for jobs with me. When I’m worried about our future apartment he looks up possibilities for us to live. He really wants a future with me and that shows in everything he does.
2. He’s a hard worker. He works 6 days out of 7, so he can get a vacation when I’m in Japan. I love the fact that he wants to do that for me so we can spend more time together. I know when we live together he will still work hard to provide for me and maybe our future kids.
3. He’s protective of me. He can be jealous but I kind of like it, it shows me that he really loves me and doesn’t want to share me. I love it when I can feel like he’s my man and that he will do everything to protect me from other things or people.
The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
I always thought that Japanese people were introverts when it comes to showing off their relationships publicly. When I was in Japan I barely saw anyone hold hands together or kiss each other in public. In Belgium, this is the most normal thing ever (sometimes the kissing can get over the top…) I was really surprised that he didn’t mind holding my hand in the streets, kissing me wasn’t a problem either. I made me realize that he’s a pretty modern man.
The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…
We really wanted to see each other and we couldn’t wait until December. We were fighting more than a couple should have fought and we were both eager to be with each other and forget all the miscommunication between us. So he asked his boss to give him some days off but he didn’t tell him it was for meeting me. He had to work the next four Saturdays. When he got the days off he immediately booked his ticket to Brussels Belgium and we went from counting down 120 days to counting down 10 days. I have never thought someone would do this for me and risk his job for me like that, even his mom didn’t know he went to Belgium. It was just 3 days he could be with me but it was exactly what we needed.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
To be honest. I always thought I was an honest person myself, but I also experienced that I would have done everything to not hurt him. For that reason, I was not honest about my past, just because I wanted him to be happy and wanted a happy future together. I learned that it’s better, to be honest right away and that people have to accept the past of the other if they want to spend their lives together. Thankfully he can do this and can do the same with his past.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
Don’t mind the dirty looks. People will always judge you no matter what you do. Seeing an Asian male with a white female isn’t something you see every day and a lot of times you get dirty looks from people, you just have to ignore them and remind yourself why you are together… You are together because you love each other and different skin color or a different culture will only make it more special and interesting. We experienced hate towards us online. The best thing is also to just ignore it, delete it and talk to your partner about it. Tell him or her what you feel about what happened and let your loved one do the same. There will always be hate, but love always wins.
Questions to Him
Asking Her out for the first time was…
I never really asked her out because we already were a couple by just texting and video calling. So when we met as a couple everything went smoothly. Basically, I never had to ask her out and win her over for me in real life cause when I was in Belgium she already was mine. Our first date was her picking me up from the airport going to our Airbnb and we had a pizza and a movie night.
I learned She is right for me when…
I saw her Instagram and had an instant crush on her, but never thought I could make her mine. When we started talking more and more I fell in love with the way she talked. I love her jokes too, but her kindness attracted me the most. I knew she was right for when she showed me her adult side, she was always calm and down to earth. Also, the way she can talk passionately about her interests made me want to be with her even more.
I had a cultural shock when She…
I never really felt a cultural shock because in a way I felt she had kind of the Japanese style of living. It’s hard to explain and it’s hard to find examples, but I think I was so prepared to go to Belgium that noting would ever shock me.
3 things I love about Her…
1. Whenever we have difficulties, she always tries to understand me, she will try and look at my side too and try and understand my opinion.
2. She always tries to cheer me up, after work, when I’m having a rough day. Even when she’s not feeling well she tries to make me smile and won’t call off or stop texting me until she sees me smiling again.
3. She thinks and acts like an adult. For example, when we talk about our future together she keeps it down to earth. I’m a dreamer and I dream big but she has a step by step approach even if that means it will take longer to archive our dreams.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…
I thought that people from Belgium were really open to communication, I noticed that they are really introverts. For example, when I say I want to cut my hair in Japan people would ask me a lot of stuff about is what I want to do, where I want to go. While in Belgium the reaction would just be like “just do it”.
The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…
Taking pictures together, cuddling, play with my cheeks, spooning, sleeping or just, in general, be lazy together, watching horror movies together, showing me her country, camping, city trips…
She hates when I…
Yell or get annoyed. She doesn’t like it when I snore, which I did almost every night when I was with her and the Belgium beer made my snoring only worse. At the beginning of our relationship she hated it when I smoked, but now I quit smoking for her.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
That I should behave like an adult more, especially when we are fighting. I learned that I have to be calm in order to understand what is the problem.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
Don’t be afraid to show your love, it’s important for both of you to show the outside world that you exist. Don’t hide yourself and your partner because you’re scared of what other people will say about you. The AMWF community is an awesome community where you can find a lot of support, so if you have a rough time you can always reach out to other couples and 9/10 they would listen to your story and talk to you.
