Ed and I have known each other for almost four years now and been married for three of those four years! Our relationship was a whirlwind romance that threw us into marriage and parenthood faster than we thought was possible, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

We met at a local pub in Perth Western Australia, at the time I was in a toxic relationship with one of the friends Ed was there to catch up with. I had hardly exchanged a few words with him before I bumped into him coming out of the ladies room in tears and completely humiliated by my ex and one of the other guys there. He was very heroic and comforting, demanding an apology on my behalf and sticking with me for the rest of the time at the pub. Since then we have lived in Canberra where we brought our first home, got married and had our first baby, Warren. We are now back in Perth and living happily with his family and our newest arrival Paige.

It was just past my 20th birthday and I was still in an abusive relationship that I was unable to escape from. Ed was my best and only friend at the time, after hearing what I’d gone through on my actual birthday he invited me out for the day. We met in the city and he brought me balloons, we sat in the park talking for ages (he even gave me his jacket to wear! So romantic…) he then took me to lunch where everyone miss took us for a couple already and neither of us could deny it. We finally went to play board games at a really cute cafe, he beat me at scrabble and made me laugh myself silly with his goofy personality. It was his gentle and sweet nature that made me fall in love with him.

If he had been unkind, horrible to his mother or family, or if he acted like a spoilt toddler when things didn’t go his way. By this point I had enough of grown men acting like spoilt children, they should act like adults and be able to approach a difficult situation or topic with maturity.

I opened up about my darkest times and struggles with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Despite the horrible things that had happened to me and the times when I couldn’t even let him touch me he stood by me and offered a tender and caring home where I was safe and cared for.

Insisted on washing his feet before bed, ate chicken feet at dim sum and introduced me to the taste of Durian (which I actually like! but smells like moldy socks!!)

#1

His kind and gentle nature to everyone regardless of who they are or their circumstances.

#2

How intelligent he is! He seriously loves to learn about all sorts of different things and will constantly surprise me with new information. The way he lights up when talking about politics, history, religion, etc. just blows my mind, I can’t get enough of it!

#3

His geeky personality, from his manga, anime, posters, games, and movies to his deep love of star wars and Dungeons and Dragons, I am completely in love with it all. His passion for the things he loves makes me interested in these things more than ever before.

That the food was all very similar. My husband comes from Brunei so the food his mother makes and that they eat when out is very Malaysian, Singaporean, Chinese inspired. Also, there are so many different types of foods that I’d never heard of before it’s incredible! On top of that, I was blown away by how rich Brunei is as a country, with the free health care they never had to worry about paying for medication or hospital bills. To top it all off my husband came from a home with two kitchens and a maid! From what I’ve heard is fairly typical for them but not for your average Aussie household.

The night I flew to Canberra from Perth to be with him, I remember coming down the escalator into the baggage claim area, my heart was beating out of my chest and I was so nervous to see him again. It was the first time seeing each other since I had said I was in love with him, in Perth. He greeted me at the bottom with an origami rose that he had spent all day making for me out of beautiful paper. He then took me into his arms and held me tightly, it truly felt as if I had come home at that moment.

It’s okay not to be perfect, that I do not need to change myself for others and I do not need to hold myself accountable for the actions of others.

Appreciate all the quirks of your partners’ background, even if it involves stinky fruits! Make time to understand their culture and how important it really is to them. But most importantly remember that race aside you have fallen for them for a reason other than their ethnicity so just embrace and celebrate your interracial love.

Questions to Him

Asking Her out for the first time was…

I was really nervous, after meeting up with her at a park earlier in the week. I became worried about how she was doing emotionally as she was in a very bad relationship at the time. She seemed down since she hadn’t done anything for her birthday and had been in an extremely bad fight. So I thought about what places I could take her to make her smile, the park was spontaneous as the game cafe hadn’t opened yet when we got there, I had the idea to get her the balloons on the morning we were meant to meet up. It was a great stroke of genius, she was so happy and smiled the whole time we were together.

I learned She is right for me when…

From the moment we first started talking, she made me feel like I could tell her everything about myself that I had never told anyone else about before. The ease I felt with her was something I had never experienced before.

I had a cultural shock when…

I stayed with her family for Christmas, my family has a small and quiet gathering on Christmas day and it’s rather reserved. Christmas with my wife’s family was chaotic, hot with so many people and presents! They had stockings, carols, lights, and everyone got up early to open gifts. This wasn’t something I had ever seen before other than on movies.

3 things I love about Her are…

#1

From the first moment, we met there was an instantaneous connection like we had known each other forever and there were no walls between us emotionally. I can tell her anything and completely relax around her, this is something that I love and treasure about my wife.

#2

I love how self-aware she is of her emotions and how her actions impact others. She is extremely compassionate and caring so she puts a lot of thought into how she behaves and speaks to others in order to get across how she feels without hurting anyone.

#3

Her determination to change and succeed in life, her passion for the things she loves, her adventurousness and excitement in things most people might find mundane, it brings happiness and vibrancy into my life.

The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…

The biggest misconception was the difference between the upper, middle and lower class in Australia. She came from a low socioeconomic background which was a shock for me coming from an emotionally and financially stable background. It was almost unheard of to have people I knew going without food, electricity, clothes or basic essentials for school, let alone the level of violence and drugs that she had been exposed to.

The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…

Playing games on the computer like Civilization and role-playing games like dungeons and dragons. We also like having a drink at the pub and getting lost in conversation about the world, politics, and science.

She hates when I…

leave the cupboard or wardrobe doors open.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…

How to be more mature and to express my emotions in a way that others can easily understand me.

If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…

not to be afraid of women who are strong-minded and opinionated, as long as they are open-minded and kind as well. They can make you a stronger, wiser and better person if you let them, and you’ll never regret it.