The story of Jessica and King
Jessica & King met on a dating website in 2012. Jessica was living in country Victoria, Australia, and King (originally from Hong Kong but moved when he was a teenager to study), lived in the city of Melbourne, Australia. After a few weeks of chatting online, King decided to organize a meet up to see how things would go between them in real life and as the saying goes – the rest is history. In those 6 years, they have been married twice in a traditional Chinese wedding in King’s family home in Hong Kong, and an Australian wedding on a farm, they have bought a house, adopted 2 cats, traveled together, and had two gorgeous children (Caledon 2 years, Edith 11 months).
Questions to Her
On Our first date…
We met in Melbourne outside the historic Flinders Street Station. I wasn’t sure what to expect – but when he approached me carrying a small plush panda he bought on one of his recent trips to China to give to me, that settled any nerves about his character. We walked around the city and chatted for a while and decided on lunch at a restaurant overlooking the Yarra River. I remember my stomach was in knots for most of the date, so I did this awkward nervous giggle because I thought he was extremely handsome and I had doubts that he was even in my league. We left on good terms, and lucky for me, he agreed to a second date not long after.
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…
I had a few deal breakers from being burned in past relationships. The first was if he made no effort to see me as we lived 200km apart and could only see each other on the weekend. The second was ‘ghosting’, which I had experienced quite a few times during the period I tried online dating where one goes completely silent on the other. The third was cheating, and the forth was if we weren’t on the same page regarding life (eg; marriage, kids).
I learned He is right for me when…
I admit I knew King was the ‘one’ on that very first date – even though it had that first date awkwardness I knew, but I didn’t tell him that until after he proposed!
I knew he was right for me a few weeks in, because not only was he willing to travel to see me and vice versa, he was also willing to keep the start of our new relationship going for a month where we wouldn’t see each other at all. I traveled to the USA solo for 2 weeks on holiday, and then the day before I got back, he flew out to China for 2 weeks for work and we kept in contact by email every day. He saw me off at the airport when I flew out, and met my parents for the first time (a week after we officially started dating) and they knew by the way he looked at me that he was the one as well. They told me later that he looked at me with such love and adoration – and I still get this look today!
I had a cultural shock when …
I was invited to go back to Hong Kong with him 5 months into our dating to meet his parents and family. He had not introduced any western girl to his parents before so I guess it was a big deal, but his family isn’t very traditional so they were excited to meet me. (He has lived in Australia for over 10 years so he is quite accustomed to the Australian way) I’m originally from a quiet rural farming town, so I was extremely overwhelmed the first day we arrived. I remember getting into a taxi with him after meeting his family and just breaking down because everything was so fast moving & loud in the city! It was like a sensory overload.
3 things I love about Him are…
His intelligence. His dedication to his family and work. And of course how handsome he is 😉
The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
When I first met his family, I wasn’t sure how they would react to me. I’d heard stories that the Chinese can be quite closed minded when it comes to dating, especially westerners, so I was taken aback when every single family member I met was so welcoming and complimented me and how they were excited for our babies!
The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…
Propose to me. Its one of those memories I’ll have forever. It was a few days from my birthday, and I was upset I hadn’t received a card or any cute note. We took a drive to Daylesford which is a beautiful area in a ‘spa’ country as they call it because of all the hot spring saunas and boutique massage places there. We were going to eat at a country house that had been converted to a restaurant in a lavender field, and we decided to take a few photos in front of it. After a few sneaky test shots, he set the timer to get a photo of us both but dropped to one knee when the shutter went off. I was still looking at the camera stupidly, until a few seconds later when I realized he wasn’t standing! I broke instantly into tears and said yes!
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
That I don’t need someone to hold my hand to get me to where I wanted to go in life. Before I met him I was quite an anxious person and struggled to have confidence in myself because I can be shy. He gave me the gentle push I needed to forget the negatives and just go for it. I’ve come so far since then, and I feel almost like a different person with lots of positivity. I do have my moments, but with some support & advice from him, I’m ready to go.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
Don’t be scared or be put off by the labels you may receive. I’ve been attracted to AMWF relationships for a long time, and whenever I voiced my opinion how I found Asian men attractive – I got everything from yellow fever to racist remarks. If you see someone you find attractive, just go for it! I was lucky enough to find a partner who grew up with our customs so it wasn’t a big surprise culturally – however, understand that if your partner isn’t accustomed to your way, they may think differently on subjects.
Questions to Him
Asking Her out for the first time was…
Natural as we had good conversation chatting online and there was a real connection between us.
I learned She is right for me when…
She gave me 100% of her attention to me and laughed at my lame jokes, and she told me that someone was chatting up on her in Las Vegas on her USA trip but she told the guy that he had a boyfriend.
I had a cultural shock when She…
Took me to a Chinese restaurant in her country town and I was the only Chinese sitting down instead of serving… actually, there was no culture shock. I had been living in the country for over 10 years when we met and was well accustomed to the culture. I think that was one reason why I was attracted to western girls.
3 things I love about Her are…
Caring, loving and she is beautiful in every single way.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…
Despite the way they speak, most Australians are very nice people, very positive and outgoing. And western girls are interested in Asian men not because we are rich by any mean.
The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…
Snuggle up on a couch, eating ice cream drumsticks and binge watch TV series on Netflix.
She hates when I…
Do maths in my head. But then there are situations where that helped like working out sales prices when we went shopping ☺
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
That I can be incredibly stubborn, for example, if she wanted something, I insisted on getting her the best that she wanted and would not settle for less.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
I think it is important to acknowledge the cultural differences, for example, it is quite common for some Asian females to demand lots of attention from the male, western females are quite the opposite – they prefer personal space and space to pursue their own goals.
