AMWF is not that scary

 

chinese english coupleThe story of Deonne Nicole and Raymond Zhao

Raymond emigrated from China at the age of eleven, Deonne emigrated from the UK at the age of sixteen. Their houses in Australia were almost back to back for two years, yet it wasn’t until 2014 when they met at the University of Queensland.

The very first day of their undergraduate degree they spotted each other at the train station, just a passing glance. Over the next few weeks, they saw each other every day at the station, in every class, they were always walking in front of or behind the other. Eventually, Raymond approached Deonne at the train station to ask for help with a computer assignment, although his computer was dead leaving them to talk the hour and a half ride home. A few weeks later they went on our first date and began their relationship. In the past four years they’ve been together they’ve both graduated twice, moved in together, started our doctorate degrees and had the ride of our lives exploring Australia and China together. They hope to get married in Australia as well as China and move to Melbourne Australia for another adventure.

Questions to Her

western girls dating adviceOn Our first date…

We went to the city for some shopping and a movie. I was so nervous about going on this date, yet as soon as I saw him it just disappeared. He took me for a drink and shopping, making jokes the whole time. I have never felt so at ease with someone like I did on this date. After a little shopping, we went to the movies to watch “The Fault In Our Stars”, not exactly the best movie for a first date. Before we went in he gave me the biggest hug and asked me to officially be his girlfriend, I didn’t even hesitate to say yes! Honestly the best decision I’ve ever made, though the movie probably wasn’t. By the end of the date he’d seen his new girlfriend ugly cry for over an hour, I was so embarrassed but he was so sweet. He took me for ice-cream to make me smile and purposefully took us to the wrong platform on the way home so he could spend more time with me. It was a beautiful and memorable evening for me.

During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…

Before we first started dating I had quite a long list of deal-breakers, the main one though was being supportive and loving. From the get-go, he was always there for me taking on my issues and trying to solve as many as he could. Often he would go above and beyond to see me smile and believe in myself. I have never felt alone these past four years. He has always been my rock, helping me gain confidence in myself and helping me achieve all of my goals.

I learned He is right for me when…

During the first few months of dating, I was going through a lot of things which left me an emotional wreck. I was often afraid that he would give up or move on as we were a new couple, but he never left my side. Not once during that time did he belittle me or my problems instead he supported me. He would often take me on long drives to cheer me up and leave handwritten notes on my doorstep with my favorite chocolate when I was stressed and needed to be alone. Even now after 4 years, he is still cheering me up, even during our ups and downs he always puts my feelings first.

I had a cultural shock when He…

Since he grew up in Australia from the age of 11 we initially didn’t have any cultural shocks until I traveled to China to visit his family. It was like a whole different world. While in China I had to get used to how Chinese people react to something/someone who is different. Often people would point at us in the street, stare and ask my in-laws’ many questions about me. After many trips I have gotten used to this, however, on a personal level I think the biggest cultural shock was the difference in interacting with family and seeing the Chinese side of Raymond. In China for example, when eating with family it is common for older members to place food on to your plate for you to eat, which you can’t refuse. As a former vegetarian, it was difficult to always abide by this but his family has grown more understanding and I’ve expanded my palette. We often meet in the middle. As for Raymond, he tended to pay for everything in China, which he also does in Australia. Also after our first visit to China, I’ve finally managed to understand why he reacts to certain things with a Chinese mindset and other things with a western mindset. He is a wonderful mix of western and Chinese culture which has taken me a while to be able to understand and predict how he will react to certain things. I, myself have also learned to change my way of thinking and meet in the middle.

my chinese boyfriend3 things I love about Him are…

One of the things I absolutely love about Raymond is his caring and loving nature, no matter who you are he will do his best to care for you.

I adore his positive attitude and drive to achieve his goals. When we met I had a very difficult time thinking positively but he has inspired me to change by always being positive no matter the situation.  

The last thing I will also say is I love how he is just himself, how he embraces every part of who he is even the flaws.

The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…

I think the biggest misconception about his country is that they are won’t accept a foreigner into the family. It’s not very common to see the only son of a Chinese family marrying a non-Chinese woman, so I was very worried when we first started dating and he mentioned some of his family was quite traditional. However when I met his family in China they welcomed me with open arms, they were just happy that he was happy and living well. I don’t want to generalize, there will be some families who are still against inter-racial dating but I think China is becoming more open-minded.

The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…

This is very difficult for me to decide, he is such a romantic. I think the most beautiful thing he ever did was during his first trip back to China after 5 months of us dating. Every year he goes back to China for 2-3 months. The first time he went back I’d booked a flight to join him for the last three weeks, so while he was away he decided to surprise me. He sent me a 3-page letter from China telling me how he was and how much he missed me. I know we talked on Wechat but reading that letter I bawled my eyes out. A few days after I received a pair of beautiful earrings that matched the necklace he gave me the night before he left. I missed him so much, I still do when he is away but he always sends me things to make me smile in his place.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…

I can be 100% myself, I love who I am and I’ve developed myself as a person as well as grown as part of a couple. I’ve definitely found that I can love all of me even the flaws, something which I’ve learned to do from him.


If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be… 

The most important piece of advice I can give is to be open-minded, learn about their culture and try to understand the differences. Although my relationship isn’t as difficult due to him growing up in Australia there have been instances were he has reacted to a situation in a ‘chinese’ way. I’ve then had to try to understand and compromise with him, or in some instances let it slide. Relationships, in general, involve a lot of compromises, but with AMWF sometimes it requires a bit more patience and open-mindedness. If his family is a more traditional try to be patient understand them and try to bend a little. Remember that both of you need to do this, work together compromise and give into each other’s cultural ideals a little.

If you are interested in AMWF I would say go for it! Yes keep these thoughts in mind but enjoy getting to know another person and another way of thinking. Good luck!  

dating an asian guyQuestions to Him

Asking Her out for the first time was…

Asking her out for the first time was exhausting, it is the longest date we’ve ever had! We first went to watch a movie, the fault in our stars, she starts crying hysterically, so I started handing her tissues and comforting her. Then we went to get lunch, shopping, ice cream, walking along the river. It was a full on day, but I didn’t want it to end, so I purposely took us to the wrong train platform, so I could spend a bit more time with her.

I learned She is right for me when…

She let out the biggest, loudest fart in front of me when I was upset, which I still bring up today.

I had a cultural shock when She…

I never had a cultural shock, as I was already quite integrated into a western society.

how to date western girlfriend3 things I love about Her are…

Her smile, her determination and dat ass.

The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…

Not everyone in England knows football. She is from Manchester and she is absolutely hopeless. But she tries, and it’s hilarious when she does.

The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…

When we are both stressed, we always do a day trip at the weekend. Whether it’s a drive into the mountains or down to the coast, we both love the times that we spend together in the car, having brunch and coffee or just taking goofy pictures of each other.  

She hates when I…

I don’t clean up after myself and snoring my face off when I’m tired or drunk.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…

Not to be selfish. As I was the only child growing up in a separated family, I tend to be quite self-centered and often argue with my parents. After I started dating Deonne, I found myself more giving and putting myself in other people’s shoes. My relationship with my parents has improved significantly and we are now a big happy family.

 If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…

Go for it, try to be understanding of each others background. AMWF is not that scary, it is like any other relationship. Be thoughtful, look out for each other, trust each other and give her all the love you can muster.

Do you like this interview? Check out Deonne’s Instagram.

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