The story of Maria and Hochi
We met each other on InterPals. I (Hochi) was the one who sent her the first message to get to know her. We could talk very little because of the time difference, but we did it every single day. That’s how we built our friendship at the beginning. I found her attractive after I learned more about her perspective on life and Asian culture, and therefore I decided to see her in person someday. That day was the 11 of June of 2016. Sometimes, love is simple. Making her happy will become your daily goal and this is the thing I have been doing every day since I met her. Since then, we have been in a relationship for nearly one and a half year. Our relationship is not only an AMWF but a long distance relationship; so, people say it is twice harder. I have gone to Spain three times and María has come to Hong Kong once. We do not mind traveling around the world to find each other. We will keep doing this until we can have our own house and we can be together.
Questions to Her
On Our first date…
We did not have a proper first date since we met at the airport and we started living together the first day we saw each other. Every day that we are together it is the first date for me. Every time I feel that nervousness and excitement and that’s because we have to start from scratch again each time we meet after 5-6 months without being together.
I learned He is right for me when…
I saw how he thinks. I am a person who hates closed-minded people. At first, I thought that Asians tended to have that kind of mentality, but I was wrong. Hochi is a person with whom I can talk about everything, even things that I would not tell my own parents. He is very understanding, and I need a man with that quality. Above all, I need a man with patience, because sometimes I am very stubborn. Of course, we do not agree on everything but he respects me instead of fighting with me.
I had culture shock when He…
started to act super respectful with my family in a family reunion. He always waits until the elders start eating and he eats everything you put on the plate. In Spain, people generally start eating as soon as the food is on the table, even if some family member is not at the table. He is very respectful and very detail-oriented.
Besides, when I went to Hong Kong, I saw beautiful graveyard in a mountain when we were in the MTR; I asked him if we could go there and take some pictures because, believe me, it was amazing, but he looked at me like as if I was crazy. In his culture, dead people are sacred, and you can´t take pictures in the cemetery (while in Spain you can). To sum up, everything that shocked me is linked to this huge sense of respectfulness for others.
Another funny culture shock was when I went for the first time to Hong Kong with my parents. We went to a traditional Chinese restaurant in summer, we were all sweating and we only wanted to drink very cold water. We were super surprised to listen from Hochi that in Hong Kong you can’t get cold water in
these places because they believe that if you drink something hot, you are going to feel cooler.
3 things I love about Him are…
He is sensitive (he can cry in front of me and I like that he trust me when he does that), romantic (he always says sweet things and try to make me blush; he is evil) but he also has a serious side. I can talk with him about things that really matter to me. I had to think very hard to only choose 3 things I love about him because I don’t have enough fingers in my hands and toes to count them. For me, he is perfectly imperfect.
The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
In my city (Murcia, Spain), we do not see many Chinese or Asian people in general on the streets, so many of us cant differentiate who is Chinese/Korean/Taiwanese/etc… When you see one person with slanted eyes, you will think: “He is Chinese”. We have a lot more of clichés about Asian people, but when I was little I learned that all what Spanish people think about Asian culture is completely wrong. Asian people are not rude, dirty, and non-affective. When you truly know Asian people, you discover a whole new world full of good things. I had a lot of problems because of what people around me or people on the street thought about Asians. One day, while we were walking on the street in Spain someone called me “traitor” for being in a relationship with a Chinese guy. There are a lot of unfortunate questions that people ask about Hochi and that really hurts.
The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…
when he came to Spain. It is the most beautiful thing anyone has done for me. When he told me that he would come to Spain I did not believe him: “Why is an Asian man of 28 years come to Spain from Australia to meet a 20 girl who he does not know?”. But he did it. I went to the airport with my mum, her husband and my best friend Lidia who gave me all her support, and I only was thinking about how to stop the time because I was really nervous. I used all the courage I had inside of me to meet him and it has become one of the best memories of my life.
During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was…
that I am strong enough to wait for him for 5 or more months, and that I have more patience than I thought. Also, I learned that I can love a person so much that I can fight all of the obstacles on our way.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
Try to understand that your boyfriend may not have your own way of seeing things due to the cultural differences. Accept that you are different and try to fit into his world, just as he tries to fit into yours. Above all, enjoy these differences: food, customs or ways of
dressing!
Questions to Him
Asking Her out for the first time was…
I did not actually say “let´s date”. We only became a couple without saying a word. Sometimes, words are not necessary. We use the 12 of June of 2016 as our Anniversary (a day after I arrived in Spain the first time).
I learned She is right for me when…
I first saw her. We have common interests like Miyazaki Hayao films, traveling or Asian foods. It is hard to tell when I started having feelings for her. Sometimes, love is simple. You know she is the one when you first see her and you know you are going to admire her just like how Gatsby loved Daisy.
I had culture shock when She….
told me that some terms or nicknames I used to call her were
offensive. For example, “Honey piggy piggy” (Sweetheart). Generally, this term is used to call our love one in Hong Kong. However, that would be rude if you called someone pig in Spain because it would imply the person is fat as a pig.
3 things I love about Her are…
Her character. She is thoughtful, intelligent and generous.
Her smile and her smell. I love her that she has a tough appearance and a soft heart.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…
that Spanish people always eat paella. And I love Paella so much! I expected to have paella for lunch every day before I came to Spain.
Well, I am glad that I did not have paella for lunch every day during my trip because I would miss the chance to try other fabulous Spanish dishes.
The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…
watching Korean TV series and movies, shopping, eating around, arguing. Yeah, arguing can be fun if you know how to make it interesting, like making ironic jokes. We sometimes laugh out loud at that.
She hates when I…
interrupt her speaking, especially on Skype. It’s like whenever I have a thought, I cannot wait to tell her. She hates that so much! Whenever I do that, she will stop talking and say “I am not going to talk anymore”. Of course, she accepts my apology and starts talking again. We would call that a small fight, the kind of fight that will make you love each other more than before.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
that my weaknesses can be strengths in her eyes. For example, I am a sensitive person and she finds sensitive men attractive.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
to take an action, talk to her and get to know her. Show her that you care about her. If you want to write her a message, write an outstanding one to show her, you do care about her and her life. Nothing will happen if you do not take an action to approach her. This is the most important thing. Do not overthink; there is no such a formula or method that can help you win someone. Everyone is special. You have to be yourself and act like yourself because your soulmate should be the one who finds the true you attractive. Of course, you should always improve yourself, but just do not pretend you are someone else.
