The story of Cassandra and Haoyang
Cassandra was working in Santiago before she got the China government scholarship to study at Henan University, where Haoyang got his bachelor degree in International Business. After they met through a Romanian friend at the university cafeteria, they traveled through China visiting the Great Wall of China in Beijing/pandas & spicy foods in Chengdu/Terracotta Army in Xian/romantic pre-wedding photo session in Sanya… Until October 6, 2018, they will accomplish a 4-year marathon relationship. During this time, they have kept one year half long distance relationship after Cassandra’s one-year study program in China, and they had video calls every day when they were separated. Currently, they are living in Beijing, communicating in three languages (English/Chinese/Spanish) and broadcasting their travels and life in China through a YouTube Channel: Ni Hao Cassandra. Even though Chile and China are two antipodes on the earth with no direct flight and 30-50 hours of traveling apart, they try to celebrate Chinese New Year in China and Christmas in Spain with each family to overcome culture and time differences between them and their families.
Questions to Her
On Our first date…
we went to a famous park in the city when we’re living in China. It was the Middle Autumn Festival, so I asked him if he knew any nice places to spend the festival in. He recommended that park because at that time they had a nice light performance show. It was a really beautiful day and we spend it all together from early morning until night. The most shocking thing happened just before the show, as he confessed that he liked me. I was really surprised and really excited. That is how everything started.
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…
I think nothing during the first months… everything was quite perfect at that time haha! Our biggest deal-breaker would be if we had to separate. After around one year of a relationship, my scholarship finished so I had to go back to my country, Chile. We promised ourselves that we would try our best to make our long-distance relationship work. If he cheated on me or stopped talking to me for a week or something, I would stop trusting him and it would damage our relationship. In the end, we made it work really well, surprisingly well. Of course, there were some difficult times, times where we could not stand it anymore because of the distance … but we both overcame it.
I learned He is right for me when…
I think it was when we were traveling to Xian, China. It was the first time we traveled for more than a weekend and to a different region. Maybe after spending some months with him, and also traveling with him, it made me think he is right for me. While I am writing this reply I checked some of those pictures from that time, and wow! So many nice memories there. We had a great time together, it was really special for us. I treasure that trip a lot.
I had a cultural shock when He…
…ate with me for the first time. And it is something that is still a cultural shock, even after years of relationship! As many of you should now, Asian people tend to make a lot of noise when they are eating. In their culture, eating with the mouth open and making noises are not impolite, yet just a normal part of their culture. It is still difficult for me to get used to it. Since my early childhood, my mom, family, and teachers told me that making noise is impolite, so accepting my boyfriend making noise every time is a challenge! Of course, I don’t blame him, it is a part of his culture. All in all it is not a big deal.
3 things I love about Him are…
His kindness. From the very beginning, he has been always taking care of me, paying attention to me and treating me well. His loyalty. Because I know him and I understand his personality, I know for sure he will never even try to cheat on me. Also, I know he will be loyal to me and keep be on my side even if in the future we encounter problems that can harm our relationship. I think this is something I can not easily find in the Western males. And finally, his intelligence. I think he is a really smart guy and it made me fall in love with him.
The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
when he told me to meet his mother in real life for the first time. It meant something really serious, even that we were thinking about marriage. In the Western world, meeting the parents of your girlfriend/boyfriend is quite normal, maybe in some families, it could be a bit formal, but it is never a way to show that you are planning to marry this person. In China, meeting the parents is a really big deal. I was really nervous, but I am glad everything turned out well and now after meeting his family several times for Chinese New Year I can say with confidence that I feel like at home, because all of them are very kind to me.
The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…
When I was very very sick. It was in winter, and North China winter for me, a South American, it was way TOO COLD. Terrible! Feeling so weak and fragile, in a foreign country, Haoyang was my only hope. At that time he took care of me, even though we didn’t live together. He was visiting me every morning, during lunch and dinner to help me, bring food and take care of me. There was a time I was really weak, coughing a lot, yet he was there, not caring how bad I looked like, just taking care of me… I will never forget that.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
that I was afraid of the future. In my previous relationship I had a boyfriend who keeps saying to me “don’t think about the future, don’t make plans, we can separate at any moment”. Yes, something not so nice to hear from a person you love, but he was like that. Of course, that relationship didn’t end well but also impacted me negatively. Then when I started dating Haoyang, I realized that I was afraid of planning our future together. But Haoyang is a man with a completely different personality, maybe also linked to the fact he is Chinese and most of the Chinese people will take relationship really seriously. This concept of “dating for fun without any plans” is not so common. Haoyang very early was convinced that our relationship is promising and he started planning a future together, without any doubts. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to make this shift in thinking, but now I got more used to it and I am happy with planning our future together with him.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
don’t be afraid of cultural differences! In the end, cultural differences are not that troublesome. I think if you really love somebody, it doesn’t matter what country he is from and the traditions he has (unless it really goes against your principles). But in most of the cases is just something you have to learn to live with, learn his culture, language and be open-minded. I think the biggest difficulty is the cultural differences with his family because you can accept everything from the man you love, but you may not be happy to accept his family’s way of doing things. Good luck with that!
Questions to Him
Asking Her out for the first time was…
a big effort! After we met for the first time, I’ve been thinking about her all the week, so I used all my networks in her faculty to get her contact. Soon a female classmate of my Kazakhstan friend reached to her during a body exam, straightforwardly and strangely as Cassandra describes later, asked her phone number for WhatsApp. That night I had to help to bring two drunk Vietnamese students to the dormitory she lived in. Don’t ask me why I had to: creating more possibilities through naturally appearing at her place! I sent the two students back and started texting Cassandra by the number I had just got. It felt a bit empty and silent in the dormitory and it looked like nobody gonna go outside this late. While a message received from Cassandra said she was going back to her room, a girl walked towards me at the first-floor corridor, holding a shining screen phone at her hands. It was so dark that you could hardly see the face. At the moment she was about to turn and climb the stairway, I plucked up and called “Cassandra?”. The girl stopped and confirmed it was her. We talked a bit and I started to recommend her some local destinations because she had just arrived China. We supposed to go to the Millennial Park the next day on Sunday with her roommate from Switzerland. While unexpectedly, next day morning I was waiting under her dorm, only she appeared. She explained to me that her roommate was a bit sick, so only she would be able to join the tour. So that how it became our first date…and “YES!”, which how I felt after she told me she had to go out with me alone 🙂
I learned She is right for me when…
She went back to Chile alone, we had never cut our contact and kept being loyal to each other. Even both of us were tired and desperate sometimes, we had never thought about giving up. She was anxiously trying to contact all my friends when I got up late because of overnight work to make sure there’s nothing bad happened to me, and I felt the same when she forgot the time at her friend’s home night party.
I had a cultural shock when She…
could eat those super sweet Chilean dessert. It may also be a difference between western and eastern food. Cassandra always complains that some of our desserts have too light flavor. After I tasted some Chilean cakes like “Tres Leches” or “Pie del Limón”, I think that Chilean people must have an astonishingly sweet tooth! Not to mention “manjar”, sweetened condensed milk from Latin American countries that even her Italian colleague finds too sweet.
3 things I love about Her are…
Her facial expression, the fact that she is a vegetarian and that she is less materialistic than Chinese girls. Cassandra’s funny facial expression brings me constant happiness that I have never had in my life. Moreover, she’s a vegetarian because she always wants to protect animals and the planet. She often cries when she passes the butcher markets in China. I appreciate her as a vegetarian even though I am not, but I would like to pass this concept to my children. Last but not least, I would say because of the culture and society influence, Chinese women are more money-oriented (or forced to be like that by their parents) than having a soul mate approach when it comes to marriage.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…
that Chilean cuisine is not as spicy as Mexico even their country’s name is “Chile”. For most of the Chinese people, they probably don’t know Spanish is the official language of Chile and guessing there would be a special language.
The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…
traveling, celebrating festivals and playing games together. Cassandra brings me a lot of a deep understanding of western festivals. The most typical one can be Christmas. In China or probably most Asian countries, Christmas is just for couples and commercials. Last year was the first year we celebrated Christmas at our own home. We bought and decorated a little Christmas tree at our place, which according to my memory only exists in Tom & Jerry that I watched when I was little… lol
She hates when I…
Except for some Chinese customs, she cannot get used to when I’m concentrating doing one thing and I don’t talk too much to her. For example, when I’m being captivated by a book or just enjoying a delicious dish, I think most of the people would not like to be interrupted, but it would be totally unacceptable for Cassandra. ¿Los español hablantes siempre necesitan hablar o no? ;p
Please give us some advice on this problem!
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
How to get along with another person in your life except for your parents. Because of the one-child policy, most of the children from my generation are the only ones in their families. We take lots of things for granted that are given by our parents. The most important thing that I learned is about sharing: sharing housework, sharing food, sharing the feelings of each other…because we are easily getting spoiled by our families and we enjoy all the best and get served constantly.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
Dating a foreign girl requires some confidence and language skills. It appears frequently on the news that some guy from the undeveloped rural area of China marries a blonde Western girl. Whereas in reality, it is just easy for Asian females to find a foreign boyfriend. I earned more points from my girlfriend when I was taking care of her while she was sick, and her roommate went out immediately for fear she too might get ill as well. At that time, she said that she realized I am the only person she could count on in this foreign country even she had many friends around. If you think she is the one in your life, all you need to do is being honest with yourself, take it slow, be more tolerant and respectful to the other. One day at some point, her heart will be touched by just one nice thing that you unconsciously did.
Love the story of Cassandra and Haoyang? Here’s her Instagram account you can follow.
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