The story of Marie and Evan

This is Marie and Evan; a Belgian – Korean couple. They met each other for the first time in the summer of 2015 when Marie was traveling to Korea and stayed in Evan’s Airbnb in Gyeongju. After she returned to England, where she was working at that time, they had a long distance relationship for 1,5 years. During that time they tried to see each other every 3 – 5 months, in England, Korea or somewhere in the middle. At the end of 2016, Marie quit her job and moved to Gyeongju for a couple of months, to try out being together for a longer amount of time and to see if they had a future together. Now a couple of years later, you can find both of them, married and living in Seoul together.

Questions to Her

On Our first date…

We didn’t really have planned the first date as we met through Airbnb, but Evan made some free time to be my tour guide during my stay with him. We visited Bulguksa Temple, hiked to Seokguram grotto and walked all over Gyeongju downtown. In the evening Evan prepared a traditional Korean chicken soup for me.

During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…

In then beginning Evan used to curse a lot, as he had a lot of friends that were constantly cursing. I literally had to ask him not to curse in each sentence, as I really don’t like cursing at all. Which luckily he did!

I learned He is right for me when…

He flew to England to spend his Christmas holidays with me and to come with me to my parents’ house for the Christmas eve. It was the first time he celebrated Christmas and it was perfect; he brought lots of presents for my whole family which my family really appreciated.

I had a cultural shock when He…

He constantly wanted to text or call to know what I was doing or whom I was with. For me, that was really overwhelming as I didn’t really want to text constantly. After talking about this, I realized this is a thing most Korean couples do, so he thought he also had to do it.

3 things I love about Him are…

He is very loyal, I know I can count on him and that he will do anything to be with me and also to visit my parents at least once a year.

He loves to cook, which I love as I totally hate cooking, so he does all the food shopping and makes sure each day I eat properly and healthy as well!

He loves to travel and try out new things. Most of the time he wouldn’t suggest to do them as his family is not very adventurous, so before he met me he had never visited a zoo, an aquarium, went kayaking or skiing. But when I suggest new things, he’s happy to go and actually really enjoys it.

The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…

Family-centered. I always thought Asian families were really close, and they are but in a different way than I expected. What shocked me is that there is a distance between the family members, especially when there is an age difference.

For example, in my Belgian family we give each other hugs, say that we love each other, so we express our emotions. But in my Korean family I feel that distance, there is no hugging between adult children and their parents, not really expressing emotions or talking about problems. I’m not sure if this is just my Korean family or every Korean family.

The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…

He stood up for me against his own parents. It’s not easy for Koreans to stand up against their parents, so the fact that he didn’t listen to his parents and choose me against their will is amazing. It would have been much easier for him to not date me, and date someone his parents approved of instead.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…

To be more patient and more communicative. As we’re both from different backgrounds and cultures it’s very important to talk about our differences. To understand where it comes from and to try to understand.

This is really something I had to learn, as, in the beginning, I expected Evan to be like any other European guy. But obviously, he has a different culture, where social interaction is different.

If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…

In Korea, relationship dynamics are quite different from those in Europe. For example, when we first started dating, Evan was shocked that I still wanted to hang out with my male friends. For me, it was really strange that he expected me to stop seeing my friends, but in Korea is normal.

This is just one example, but try to understand Confucianism and social dynamics in Korea. Talk about the differences together and try to find a middle ground you’re both happy with.  

Questions to Him

Asking Her out for the first time was…

Easy. As I didn’t feel as stressed as asking a Korean girl on a date. Korean girls normally want to know my background, job, family position, etc. But with Marie, and Western girls in general, she looked at me as a person, not as a business deal. She didn’t judge my unique fashion at that time and accepted me for who I was.

I learned She is right for me when…

Every time we were spending time together, she was very active, positive and energetic. She always wanted to try new things and go places which I have never been. There was no pretending or judging like I felt when dating Korean girls. I knew she was right for me because she was really ambitious, pure and honest.

I had a cultural shock when She…

She didn’t use her smartphone as much as Koreans do, so if we would go to coffee shops or for dinner she would sometimes have to ask me not to be on my phone that much. Another thing is that she doesn’t care about having the newest and fanciest clothes and electronics.

3 things I love about Her are…

She’s honest, straightforward and would tell me if there’s something wrong or if there’s a problem. She really wants to talk about everything and try to find a solution that both of us are happy with.

She’s natural. Korean girls use so much makeup and always care about having fancy clothes or newest stuff. But Marie is not materialistic at all, which I really appreciate.

She supports me to the fullest and she pushes me quite hard to achieve my dreams. My parents never really liked that, so I never had that push to do something I really like. Because of Marie, I found a job as a food tour guide, which is something I would have never found without her.

The biggest misconception about Her country and the culture was…

Individualism. I knew that European countries were more focusses on individualism that Asian countries, but I never really understood to what extent or what it meant.

The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…

She loves to do outdoor activities and try new things. Which is great, because she pulls me out of my comfort zone.

She hates when I…

Act like a normal Korean husband; being too much on my phone, lazy on weekends, waste my time at home.

During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…

I was never the kind of person with loads of friends and enjoyed spending time by myself, so with her, I learned to be more open and to communicate better.

If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…

Don’t be the typical Korean or Asian man. I realized we are quite dominant and that there is a power difference between men and women in Asia. But with Western women, this will not work at all. Don’t try to be the dominant partner, don’t try to control her, let her have her own time with friends (even if they are male friends).

Marie is blogging about Asia and traveling, check out her blogs: BeMarieKorea and BeMarieTravels

Want to learn more about this couple? Follow Marie’s Instagram HERE.

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