The story of Rice and Potato
We met for the first time in Copenhagen Airport, both on the way to Japan. Rice was visiting his girlfriend in Japan and Potato was going there for holidays with her boyfriend. We started talking, became friends and ended up chatting on the plane for almost 11 hours. A while after the trip we were both going through breakups and started sharing our struggles and heartbreaks. We did, however, lose contact, but almost a year later we started talking again. At the time we were both single, Rice was living in Norway and Potato was studying abroad in Japan. When Potato came back to Norway we met for the first time in almost 2 years, we fell in love and started dating. Now 4 years into our relationship, 6 years after we met, we live together in Bergen, Norway and make Youtube videos about our life.
Questions to Her
On Our first date…
At first, I wasn’t actually sure if it was a date or not. After having been chatting with him on FB for a long time I knew I had some feelings, however, I didn’t know if he felt the same or even if I would feel the same after meeting him. We met in the city center and he brought me to a sushi restaurant. My feelings started boiling up in a very short time, instead of being the talkative relaxed person I usually am, I turned into a 13-year old giggling girl who barely could talk. I’m embarrassed to this day and Rice still bullies me for it from time to time. After eating we went to Starbucks for a coffee and at that time I was more relaxed and was able to act a little more normal. Rice even commented “You seem calmer now” Who does that!?
When we were on our way to the bus we suddenly ran into a couple of friends of mine. I got so excited and they were going on the same bus as I which was suddenly there, so we ran to the bus and I just waved goodbye to Rice. On the bus I must have looked really stressed out cause my friends were asking “what’s the matter?” and I replied “I think I was just on a date.. and I just left my date there” my friends started laughing calling me an idiot. Apparently, he still liked me cause he invited me on a new date two days later. And this time we both knew it was a date.
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be…
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be chewing with the mouth open. It’s the worst habit I know of (considered rude in Norway), and I think I’m struggling with “Misophonia” (strong dislike or hatred for certain sounds). I’ve always told my friends I could NEVER date a person who chews loudly. Rice actually did often chew with his mouth open in the beginning but stopped doing it as he respected my issues with it.
I learned He is right for me when…
I learned he was right for me when he always managed my issues and crying the first half-year we were dating. I was really struggling with the opposite culture shock, which is a common thing after living a happy life abroad – especially when the culture is very different. He knew how I was feeling because he had been studying abroad in Japan a few years prior to me. I was struggling to fit into the Norwegian society, as well as with being alone, as I had been around friend 24/7 for a year living the dream in Japan. I wasn’t ready to go home but Rice spared me a lot of pain, helping get through the shock of making lots of new adventures with him. Getting through all that with me, I realized he was really a keeper.
I had a cultural shock when He…
When he was chewing with his mouth open. I soon realized why he had this habit – even though he’s born and raised in Norway his entire family eats with their mouth open making awful sounds. Apparently, in Vietnam, it is not rude to eat with the mouth open and might mean that they are enjoying what they’re eating. This was a huge culture shock for me.
3 things I love about Him are…
- He always tells me I look beautiful (even when my nose is running and I’m down with the flu)
- He’s a really strong person who manages pain and struggles more than anyone I know.
- Even though he grew up in a very gender separated home he always sees me as his equal in all aspects. We’re always equal in household, work etc. which is very important for me.
The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
Not sure if this is a misconception, but I never realized how much Vietnamese people help others. At least in Norway, the Vietnamese it is a huge society that always helps each other – making food for each other’s events gather for events to people they barely know to show support and so on. I always thought they were very family-centered and not so much about the other people around.
The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…
He always does small romantic gestures and supporting me no matter what I want to do. But this is one of the most beautiful things he did: My favorite artist, Ellie Goulding, was coming to Oslo, Norway (the other side of the country) so he surprised me with a trip to Oslo with my best friend and two golden circle tickets to her show. He bought it to my best friend and I because he knew how much fun we would have together and he knew I was really hooked on Ellie Goulding’s music which shows that he always pays attention to my interests, and that is really beautiful.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
To talk about what I feel openly rather than keeping in things that troubles me. Keeping feelings bottled up always results in huge arguments when they eventually come out.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
Always talk to each other! Even though that might be difficult for your partner or even “against” the culture to talk about feelings, I think it is essential for a lasting relationship. Be open about how you feel and what you expect from the relationship, and listen to his expectations and wishes too. That way you can both find a path together and get past big cultural differences.
Questions to Him
Asking Her out for the first time was…
We met up when she came back to Norway from her study abroad. At the time we were not sure if it was a date or not. I felt that it didn’t count and asked her to come to eat at my place. I can’t cook but wanted her to taste Asian food, so I introduced her to Vietnamese food made by my mom. I forgot it is a big thing bringing a girl back home and introduce her to parents. Let just say I didn’t think that far ahead until I realize what I have done. The same day I also asked her to be my girlfriend, which is unusual on a first/second date in Norway. I didn’t want to miss my chance with her, so I asked her out anyway, knowing the risk of being rejected. Luckily, she said yes.
I learned She is right for me when…
When I saw her for the first time after she came back from Japan. Her eyes were deep like the ocean, it kept absorbing me. Her voice was mesmerizing. Everything about her is perfect. Even now, after being together for such a long time, those things haven’t changed.
I had a cultural shock when She…
didn’t want to confront my parents directly. For example when she needed help with something. Even though I grew up in Norway, I never realized that Norwegians hate confrontation, even when it’s necessary.
3 things I love about Her are…
- She is real, not putting up a mask when we are together.
- Her singing which is one of her talents. I just love it when she sings. I forget reality.
- Her kindness. She always put everyone else before herself.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…
I grew up in Norwegian culture, so I can’t think of any misconception regarding the culture.
The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…
Filming, taking pictures and editing. I love those things, but I was surprised she did too. She loves traveling, sunbathing and doing our skincare routine together.
She hates when I…
When I am too logical and “cold” in my way of thinking. I have to thank her for helping me think differently. Not all problems can be solved logically.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
I need to be better at opening up. To be able to discuss problems and all kind of things, while being open and vulnerable. This is hard, coming from an Asian family, but she won’t judge me no matter what. She is my safe haven.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be…
There is no template for a relationship. The canvas is yours to paint on. Culture, family, and friends are important. Some people value culture more than others, but that doesn’t mean that one culture is worth more than another. Some set their family as the first priority, but aren’t your partner also your new family now? Throw away your ego, it won’t get you anywhere. Don’t ignore your partners’ friends and most of all don’t restrict her in any way. This is your life, this is your story. What story do you want?
